Felicia Foinbaum
Felicia Tendo Foinmbam
NairobiKenya
About me
My life as a parent of children who hearing impairment started on October 10, 1997 when Gerald, our first born who was four years old was diagnosed to be hearing impaired.
My Story
The first signs
Before the assessment Gerald was very active but he could only make baby talk. I had started suspecting there was something wrong with him when he was about two, but after talking to a few family members, they reassured me that everything would be OK. My mother-in-law told me my husband uttered his first words at the age of four so there was nothing to worry about and others told me that first born boys always took longer than usual to talk. Others again suggested that we take him to a regular school so that he would learn to talk from interacting with other children.
Finding out
After almost one term (three months) in school, the teacher called us and told us that Gerald would not react to any instructions in class or even to his name. This confirmed my worst worries and I started to look for a place to take him for a hearing assessment. I finally found a hearing assessment center in Yaounde, the capital city of Cameroon, about 250 kilometers from Douala where we lived.
When I informed my immediate family that I was taking Gerald for a hearing test, I was accused of being anxious, impatient and over-reacting. However, I was very determined and was very sure it was the right thing to do, so I stole myself out of the house with Gerald and his brother Samuel, my second born, who was then about five months old. We traveled to Yaounde and did the BERA test.
The results were he was profoundly deaf, 110db. This was a shock to me as I did not understand what it meant and "I did not even know what decibels were". The ENT doctor explained to me that sound was measured in decibels and being 110db deaf meant that Gerald could not hear the sound of a jet about to takeoff. This was very shocking to me and I wondered how his life and mine were going to be.
What to do next?
My next question to the Doctor was; what am I to do? The Doctor told me to go and look for a school for the deaf. This was a problem as there are very few facilities for deaf children in Cameroon and no suitable school in the two English speaking provinces where I lived.
I tried to find out about other schools for deaf children in Africa, and even contacted schools in Britain in my search. We found out about schools in Zimbabwe, South Africa and Kenya and I decided on Kenya as I had undertaken my secretarial education there. In 1999, I took Gerald to Kenya to start schooling and he was enrolled in a private residential school.
Gerald's brother, Samuel
Early in 1999, Samuel who was born in May 1997 was getting on to two years old and he had also not said any words yet. My fears begun once again, and I was once more accused of impatience and anxiety. We were told Sammy couldn’t talk because he was copying his brother Gerald. Following advice, Sammy was moved to live with my mother away from his brother and parents. This was yet another very difficult time for me being separated from my less than two years old son with no one listening to what I had to say.
In November 1999 while I was taking Gerald to Kenya who was already of school-going age to start schooling; I took Sammy with me to accompany his brother. At the back of my mind I knew whilst in Kenya I would be able to do an assessment without any opposition from my relatives.
On the 14 December 1999, Sammy who was now 2 ½ years old was tested and it came out that he also had a profound sensori-neural bilateral hearing loss.
The most difficult time for me...
My first two sons had been declared deaf and I was at that time five months pregnant with our third child (Victory). I was devastated. At one time I wished I would loose the pregnancy because I feared I was going to have a third deaf child
However, being a Christian I held on and prayed to God to strengthen me to be able to accept the situation; to take away the pain from me and give me peace and happiness. The Lord answered my prayer in the words of Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. I believed in those words and asked God to have His way in my life; that His plans for my children and me may come to pass. In March 2000 Victory was born and when she was tested in February 05, 2002 she was also diagnosed deaf, like her brothers with a profound sensorineural bilateral hearing loss.
Challenges that have made me stronger...
Gerald is 12 years 3 months old, Samuel 8 years 8 months and Victory is 6. They have all been diagnosed with profound hearing loss. I have had to move to live in Kenya away from friends and relatives to seek education for our children. I had earlier lost my job because no employer was willing to give me the kind of time I needed to be running around seeking intervention for my children. I still do not have a job since the kind of permit which allows me to stay in Kenya with my children does not permit me to work.
Throughout this time my husband has remained in Cameroon to work and support us. Being displaced to another country and separated from my husband is one of the biggest challenges that I have had to face as a parent of deaf children.
Despite all the problems I was facing coming to terms with my children’s hearing problems and trying to figure out how to deal with the situation, society also placed many challenges on me. I had to deal with a society that had very little support to offer. The culture, in which I live, saw my children’s problem as originating from the spirit world; that the gods or ancestors had cursed us for some wrongdoing. The church saw them as being under demonic influence. My immediate family thought I was to blame for the children’s situation.
Learning that our children were hearing impaired has brought about varied emotions at the different times. The feeling of shock, embarrassment, inadequacy, confusion and worry, on how to cope with the enormous task were immediate.
Learning more about deafness really helped me to cope and I have really tried hard to come to terms with the problems that my children face, as well as making sure that I am strong so that my children are not affected emotionally. Above all I have tried to find out how I can give them the best education possible.
Getting the best education possible
Six years ago, our children were fitted with hearing aids as training also started. Gerald at the age of 6, Sammy at the age of 3 and Victory at the age of 2 ½. The results have been encouraging. I wanted my children to pursue the aural/oral approach and I have followed this approach with all three children. So far, both Gerald and Sammy can listen, communicate orally and can read and write and both are studying in mainstream schools. Victory is still a beginner but there is lots of progress, as she has speech and can put two words together.
Despite moving from Cameroon to Kenya, I am still not totally happy with the education which is available here in Kenya. I didn't want my children to attend residential schools for the deaf and felt that they would miss out on opportunities to improve their speaking and listening in a school which focused solely on Kenyan Sign Language. I wanted an aural/oral form of education for my children, which is little known in Kenya, so as to allow my children to learn in mainstream schools alongside hearing kids.
Not withstanding our determination, most mainstream schools do not want to accept the children and the schools which accept them are extremely expensive. Financially, we have sacrificed a lot for our children, my husband is the sole breadwinner and the hearing aids and school fees take up a lot of our resources.
Delayed diagnosis
The children were diagnosed late because there was no early assessment and audiological facilities in Cameroon, and because my family reassured me that everything would be OK and there was no need for a test. This has meant that the help I can give my children to develop language also started late.
Gathering information
It has also been a period of education for me! I have learned a lot from professionals, other parents and from the Internet. Learning has also helped me to be able to cope with the problem better.
I have gathered as much information on hearing impairment as possible so as to be aware on the effective methods of managing the disability. In particular, I found it useful to:
- Register with the John Tracy Clinic, Los Angeles, California USA. I enrolled in the correspondence program for training parents with children who are hearing impaired. This programme helped us to get over our initial state of confusion and shock. It made us aware and gave us a sense of direction.
- Read a lot in the field of hearing impairment from books, magazines such as ‘Volta Voices’ through the Alexander Graham Bell Association International Affiliates programme. This also led to being awarded the Parent-Infant Pre-school Services Financial Aid Award in the year 2004-2005 for my daughter Victory.
- Talked to professionals in the field to get any help I can.
- Talked to other parents to learn from their experiences
In my life as parent with children who are hearing impaired, I have faced many challenges, from a lack of awareness in society and my family, to a lack of resources and services to the pressure on me living separate from my husband being unable to work. However I have tried my best to give my children all the support that they need.
I have also found it within myself to do things that I never thought I would be able to do. I have completed my studies and am now a diploma holder in management of Non-governmental organisations. I have worked with other parents of deaf children to set up HIVO-Kenya - Hearing Impaired Voices of Kenya, an organisation which supports other parents to access information and support.
My greatest wish is that my children grow up to fulfil their potential and lead independent lives.
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